Since I’m feeling this way, I’m going to do something about it instead of complain about how I loathe going to work every day to do the same thing over and over. I think the responsible thing to do is to leave and let someone else who really wants the job to get the opportunity to be employed and make a real difference here. I want to make a difference by doing something else.
I have been feeling guilty about this Diary because I’m supposed to be “gainfully employed” right? How will I pay my bills? So may reports say that business start-ups fail within the first 5 years. I’m worried about this Diary. What if I fail?
I read up on some stats exploring the reasons why some people start businesses and why those businesses fail:
What if I succeed? I’m curious about this. I dream of being debt-free and traveling the world. I dream about starting other businesses and helping people. I dream of being financially free to do whatever I choose. These dreams drive me to risk the safety of my comfort. They say that the grass isn’t always greener on the other side Diary, but I figured..what if I water it there? What if I did some research about the environment, the soil, the weather patterns and what the most suitable type of grass would be for all these factors. What if I plant new grass there?
What drove other entrepreneurs before me? Why would they take the risk and not me? Do you need something special, or someone to tell you: “yes, you may go ahead now”. There are so many obstacles to this, why? So many conflicting thoughts and emotions. So much fear. Why Diary? Is it not just like any other occupation? Are there not skills one can learn to reduce the risk, a support system one can make use of? What if I don’t have enough money to start a business? What about my expenses? My family, my car, my home? How will I even get money for equipment for my business? Who will give me this money? These are the new questions I now have Diary. I’m not always sure about the answers, perhaps I have a lot of work to do. For as much as starting a business starts in the heart with a feeling to do more, travels to the brain to reason through the logistics of it all, it has to eventually progress into a plan of action for the body to do. This is not as easy as I had thought Diary. Perhaps I need a mentor, someone I can consult and help me with my questions.
So what are they saying to me Diary? That I should become familiar with failure? That I should even go as far as to study business failure? Is this a prerequisite to business success? So if I am supposed to become well versed in business failure, does this mean that I am actually learning about preventative measures, perhaps even resilience? So with this said Diary, my plan is to start with possible endings in mind. This also means I have to carefully pick my type of business. I see now how being swept up in my feelings of a new adventure can quickly end in failure if I am not careful. So then, how do I find the balance Diary? Between passion, which I need to drive me to do this great task and critical reasoning, which I also need to prevent possible failure through proper research and planning. It seems like I need a healthy balance of the two and knowing when the right skill is applicable. I clearly have a lot to learn Diary, but I am already intrigued by it all!
Until tomorrow, dear Diary.